Thursday, April 5, 2012

Kimye West - Kim and Kanye are dating

Kanye has been sniffing around Kim Kardashian in the media for years, claiming she is the perfect woman for him. Inviting her on exclusive trips to his business ventures, including a failed puppet show, where Kim bit the bullet and didn't take herself seriously for once.

Well, it's official that these two are dating. Yes, Kanye is taking on yet another stunner, but this time she has her own money. Unlike Amber though, Kim lacks in the integrity department. We all know Kanye has said in the past that he would love to marry a porn star, and apparently Kim K. is the closest thing he could find. We all know Kanye is no virgin to indecent exposure himself so these two are a match made in coital heaven.

Listen to Kanye's love proclamation in his record, "Theraflu" where he says “I admit I fell in love with Kim / around same time she had fell in love with him”.

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Being Bobby Brown

Self proclaimed Bad Boy Bobby Brown really stepped in it this time. Mr. Prerogative put the pedal to the metal while intoxicated this past weekend alerting the fuzz in the first place by blabbing in his cell phone. B^4 is awaiting trial for his substance-fueled escapades through the streets of L.A. All this comes on the heels of his ex-wife's coroner's report deeming the singer's death an accidental drowning.

Clearly no man can tame the strong-willed and decisive Whitney Houston, but this incident is a good example of how Bobby's bad habits may have taken over that relationship and in the end, claimed Whitney's life. Even with Whitney being laid to rest, this heathen still can't fly right. He may be a habitual lose, but he should be in mourning. Mourning over the drug abuse he encouraged for years and being left out in the cold, emotionally and financially, by Bobbi Kristina. We can only hope that he was picked up a belated birthday present for his first born daughter and an apology letter to boot.

This whole thing brings to mind Bobby's comment in an episode of Being Bobby Brown.
He gets arrested all the time because he is D.W.B., Driving While Bobby. Enough said.

Monday, March 26, 2012

Robert Kardashian is a Fame Monster

Attention seeking seems to be coursing through Robert Kardashian's veins just like his sisters'. The rich kid from birth and his tattooed sleeve were detained last night for a nasty incident between him and a photog.

"Sources close to Rob tell TMZ he was out with some friends when he saw a photog taking pictures from across the street. We're told Rob thought it would be funny to start sprinting towards the photog ... but the photog didn't laugh and instead ran away screaming for help."

This sounds like a terrible case of when coat-tail riders attack. There is no doubt Robby was not satisfied with the angles this poor man, who was inconceivably afraid of Rob, was snapping away during an outing Sunday night. The ever vain Kardashian simply wanted his close up with Mr. DeMille and stopped at nothing to get it. Unfortunately he was released just hours later from the back of the police car. Not being taken to jail completely ruined all his Tweets he was cooking up as he sat in handcuffs expecting the worst. I guess only the feeble photographer will be seen as the victim this time, Rob... oh well. 

" you down 'til you love me, Papa..Paparazzi."

Friday, March 23, 2012

Kim was absolutely floured

Some woman, who Kim can only describe as "jaallooous" dashed cooking flour all over Kim's shiny extensions and clothing at an event last night. Kardashian, dressed in black from head to toe, was promoting her new fragrance line, True Reflection, when a wild, powder-thrower appeared.

In true Kim Kardashian style, after the encounter she went to the bathroom, wiped it off and kept going as if nothing happened. I can only imagine that the new scent's repugnance drove this poor woman over the edge. Convinced the smell came from none other than the product pusher herself, Ms. Lady understandably took to cooking flour to out K.K.'s fire.

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Jennifer marries Casper Smart

In the most public mid-life crisis ever, Jennifer Lopez has married no good heathen, Casper Smart or as he's now known, That Lucky Bastard. J. Lo, like every woman, wants to marry a man on par with herself, and that can only leave one to wonder what class of person Jennifer Lopez takes herself for.

Proving once and for all that her love really doesn't cost a thing, along with her self-respect, J.Lo tied the knot on a yacht in Me-heco without any guests or gifts in sight. Casper's love is a bit more pricy however, as he made out like a villain with a sweet pre-nup setting him up with $1 million/year for the next ten years. Not bad for a back up dancer with a high school diploma.

At first glance, you may think these two have nothing in common, but you couldn't be farther from the truth. CLEARLY, these two like sunbathing, sunglasses and spending Jen's money. Not to mention their love of dancing, both starting out as backup dancers. J.Lo climbing to the top based on talent(?) and Casper sleeping his way to a big payday. Or was it the other way around? Point is, The Friendly Ghost is planning on adopting Jennifer's twins with Marc Anthony, adding another similarity to the list. They're both egotistically pig-headed. Casper certainly lives up to his ghostly namesake as Lopez never detected him swiping her coins before it was too late.

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Beyoncé 1st, Mom 2nd

Blue Ivy was so last season. You're excited about your gifts at first, but after a while they just get plain boring, especially after you never really carried them in the first place. But I digress, Beyoncé has made the hardest decision any new mother has to make, heading back into the work force. This only ten weeks after giving birth to her first and only child, Notorious B.I.C.
Boo peeked out  from her hide-out last night to attend Michelle Obama's election fund-raiser event in NYC where money was raised well into the millions. She was joined by her lovely mother, who remarkably looked even more stunning than her two daughters.

Without a stitch of post baby weight to be seen, Beyoncé strutted past fans who waited for hours in the cold to see her. Yes, that's the Beyonce we remember; her vacation is officially over. Starting May 24th, Bey Bey will be headlining three consecutive concerts at the new Revel Casino in Atlantic City. The star also makes her live come-back on memorial day weekend, so she has to get in tip top shape and baby Blue just doesn't fit into her busy schedule.
Knowles is planning on taking one final hiatus before getting back on her daily grind though. She has planned an over-the-top yoga-based retreat to Tuscany with gal-pal Gwyneth Paltrow. What those two have in common, the world may never know.

Sponsored by Berouge Cosmetics

Sunday, March 18, 2012

Scott leaves Kourtney

Kourtney Kardashian is apparently freaking out over Scott Disick's recent depature from their home to his own bachelor pad. People are insinuating that Scott finds the pressure of being tied down to a pregnant, hormonal girlfriend too much bear. Kourt is devastated at the idea of being a single mom of two. A pal says: “He just can’t change. Scott will never grow up, they are best off apart.”

Who releases this stuff to the press? Kourtney Kardashian is no fool and neither are the rest of us.
Scott is moving out probably as a part of the upcoming season and we suckers are supposed to tune in to see what sparked this whole mess. Their whole family is like an overgrown, overexposed and even more poorly written Days of Our Lives. Besides that, Kourtney set herself up for any shenanigans she gets. What did Beyonce, who is trying for her 2nd, say after all? If you liked it then you shoulda what?


Sponsored by Berouge Cosmetics

Thursday, March 15, 2012

Bobbi Kristelina

Bobbi pulls an Angelina.
Nope, she's not bulimic, but it does relate to her possibly throwing up... at least she should when she realizes what she is doing. Whitney's baby girl has been in an unusual, co-dependent relationship with her pseudo-adopted brother Nick Gordon since her tragic loss just last month.

While incest is the opportune word, we have to remember that this 19-year-old heiress is not related to her new love interest by blood, but maybe they are after all related through grief.
The only explanation I see here is that she has always had a crush on this boy and finally he sees something in her and it rhymes every bit with ka-ching. He certainly holds and shares many fond memories of better days with momma Whitney which are invaluable at this time for little Krissy. Although Nick released a statement today saying their relationship is platonic, he is no doubt working a different angle on home turf. This especially since he found out that he was not mentioned in the will. The only person I feel for in this situation is mother Cissy Houston, who has spawned offspring that have chosen less than desirable paths in life despite all well-intended efforts. If there is a void, they will fill it with something more readily available and potent, no matter how many churches you parade them around in from birth.

Word of advice Bobbi, RUN and hide your money... I might know of a very inconspicuous bank account, fyi. Stay away from the spot light... oh, and never work with Oprah again. That woman has never been more self-righteous ever in life than she was in that interview special.

“We’re just close — just going through her mom’s passing and grieving together.” - Nick Gordon

Sponsored by Berouge Cosmetics

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Lohan is Porsche Posh in Hit and Run

Lindsay Lohan loves to give back to the community. When she's not donning a tangerine jumpsuit helping clean up California motorways, she does her part by cleaning up after the party.
The ever thoughtful Lindsay Lohan decided last night that clearing the streets of shady club managers is worth risking her probation.

The renewed redhead has gotten tangled up in a hit and run accident, which left the manager of the Hookah Lounge dubiously hurt. 
Only after finding out that Lindsay was the one behind the wheel as she peeled out of the club parking lot, is when the 26 year old laid claim to injury. When the coppers showed up, LiLo conveniently found herself in the passenger's seat, despite the swarming paparazzi's shutterbugging away.

Will this destroy her probation? What does this even mean for her new roll as Liz Taylor? Seems like we need to be making a movie about Lohan's life instead... but the chapters never seem to come to an end.

Trickery in switching seats: F and a 1/2
Insisting on driving yourself after partying: F
Being typical: A+

Sponsored by Berouge Cosmetics

Friday, March 2, 2012

The Demurely Charitable Lady Gaga

Looking as if on her way to her idea of Sunday mass, Lady Gaga made an appearance in her home city of New York for the launching of her Born This Way Foundation.
Rushing to create her very own We Are the World foundation, Lady Gaga after less than a few years on the scene, is commanding the world's pocketbooks.
Teaming up with Harvard University's Graduate School of Education, she is furthering the plight for bullied children everywhere.

Certainly noble work, so we're so glad she took the time to look appropriate and aware of her surroundings along with the winter climate. Even her glasses seem to have formed icicles of their own very own. Albeit, the Lady proved to be the type to put her money where her mouth is; she donated $1.2 million personally, putting speaker at the event, Oprah, to shame. I am sure she racked up those coins from tweet-earnings alone, but still, it's the thought that counts. It is much better than her generating the funds from gyrating her nether-regions on stage.

Sponsored by Berouge Cosmetics

Adrienne Bailon, wardrobe mal...intention

Mediatakeout: Adrienne Bailon
Adrienne Bailon who we have affectionately known for years as being a member of the short-lived girl group 3LW (Three Little Women) and Disney's The Cheetah girls has called the world's attention like she has been dreaming of for years.

While her voice has never been too impressive and her acting chops average at best, Adrienne has always been a sort of precious nondescript celebrity we have all loved to know was there. She was even given a roll with fellow member of 3LW, Kiely Williams, by Disney no less. We certainly saw how it turned out for Kiely who penned and starred in a low budget single, titled "[The sex was] Spectacular." When will these women stop taking a page from former Disney stars like Lindsay Lohan, Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera and start a new and unusual trend of being respectable.

Mistaking the entire world for gynecologists, Bailon stepped unto the red carpet of an industry event looking unusually drafty. Ever since Jennifer Lopez made it socially acceptable to go out in public barely hanging out of your dress, women have been pushing their luck and standards. Not realizing if the wind was coming or going, Adrienne proudly posed for pictures fit for the cover of Playboy. It seems no one is safe after dating a (Robert) Kardashian.

I am truly embarrassed for her but since this sort of thing worked for Kim; this might turn into a hidden blessing from the "Coot Fairy".

Sponsored by Berouge Cosmetics

Odom: "Now we're up in the D-Leagues..."

Lamar Odom certainly isn't "movin' on up to the east side" in any sense of the word. It is starting to feel more like the D-Leagues in Texas, as the Mavericks have not been able to jell the newly traded basketball player with his new team since coldly being traded late last year.

Odie has gone from Lakers to Mavericks and now he's practically "little league". The poor guy has clearly been affected by that horrible disease known as "the Kardashians". Khlomydia was merciless as it ravaged this man's multi-million dollar career in under two years. His management is however attributing this downgrade to the effect the NBA lock-out, his adjusting to new surroundings and his elderly father's stricken state have had on him. They also added that they hope to see him return in full form shortly.

"I've had some luck lately..."
Downgrading your husband from winning the first gold in years for the U.S. at the FIBA World Championships and contracts with major fitness conglomerates to practically being the janitor is no small feat. We have Khloe's unrelenting reality show filming schedule and immaculate ball crushing genes to thank for it. Credit is also due to his newly found passion for being a make-shift socialite's husband on Cable television. He chose his poison. Though it won't be all bad. The team's owner, Mark Cuban, says according to TMZ "[he] needs to get in great shape and then rejoin the Mavs... D-League is rehab". I am sure his annual $8.9 million salary still stands, if that's any consolation. With any luck that will tide his label-loving wife, Khloe, over for two months or so. How ever will they manage?
This public humiliation and ego-crushing lambasting must be some sort of hazing for their new teammate... or at least payback for willingly parading and sullying his brand all over television.

Sponsored by Berouge Cosmetics

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

He shoots, SHE scores

Kobe Bryant has been carelessly dribbling his significant other's heart for years and there is only so much one woman can take. Bryant and the mother of his two little girls, Vanessa, are in the middle of a divorce stand off. It is all up to the Mrs. if she chooses to go through with the termination of their ten year marriage. The couple has been estranged for some time and this Laker's wife stands to rake in no less than $75 million if she pulls the trigger. The $4 million "I'm sorry" ring three years back was just a down payment, it seems.

Is heartbreak really worth that much money? Is it even fair to Kobe? Maybe she should have known what comes with the lifestyle and considered it the price to pay for being upgraded from Mundane Jane to Class A Kept Wife, through no effort of your own. It is ultimately Kobe's fault for abandoning the vows they swore to uphold and not to mention for not signing a prenuptial agreement. I guess he took too many balls to the head and wasn't thinking clearly. He is currently buying his wife everything under the sun, according to TMZ, in an effort to get back in her good graces. Can't say I feel sorry for him.

Trashy groupies too hard to deny?
Well, kiss your millions good-bye.

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Get a whiff of Jennifer Lopez

Jennifer Lopez, now 42, hasn't hung up her perfumer hat as of yet. The 1/4 actress, 1/4 singer, 1/2 opportunist is launching a new fragrance to fill the world's nostrils with. The perfume, prosaically titled Glowing, plays of her one-time successful fragrance Glo by JLo.

The former Mrs. Anthony is quick to point out that this new scent is a more mature version of her first release. Her newest creative direction even utilizes a built in novelty feature as the atomizer glows when you press it. I get it now, so grown up and mature. Oh, and so kid-friendly too. Honestly, if that doesn't get an inquisitive child to unintentionally spray themselves in the eyes I don't know what will.

 “Glowing is such a clean fragrance,” Lopez told Women’s Wear Daily. “That’s what I’ve always been about. I like soapy, clean smells." Considering her recent lecherous extramarital affair with boy-toy Casper Smart I can see why she opted for a more purifying fragrance choice. Too bad though that no matter how many bottles of Glowing she goes through in a day, nothing will wash away all the shame of 2011. Deserting her infant twins to go indulge a younger man with expensive trips and gifts is by far the most ignorant rerun of Britney Spears I have ever seen.

So what does JLo really smell like these days?

"This is a very woodsy scent. So it’s not exactly what I created 10 years ago — it’s the evolution of that. At the essence, it’s still natural, earthy, clean and real, but a little different side of that. It’s the woodsy side of it, which I think is kind of New York-y, darker and sexier.” - Jennifer Lopez

Right, nothing says nature, clean or woodsy quite like New York City. Perfect inductive reasoning from a savvy business woman. I can only imagine the respect she must command from her employees at JLo Co, strutting into her boardroom to display the scent's promotional photo. The HBIC herself, stark naked and soaking wet for all to see, with her tumultuous personal life being equally as in your face and unscrupulous. You have to admit though, with her career choices, from her recent tenure at American Idol as a judge, raking in up to $20 million per season, clothing line Sweetface, and marginal recognition in both music and film, JLo can stretch a talent-less penny like no other.

JLo and Casper, Valentine's Day 2012

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Khloe snags a dad

Good for her! or Publicity Stunt?
Khloe K.O. has since the beginning held on to Robert Kardashian being her biological father, despite convincing interviews from his exes and the obvious phenotypical evidence to the contrary.

Now Khloe has seen the light and I am sure, a definitive paternity test. Her father has now been confirmed as being non other than Alex Roldan. Kris Jenner's former hairstylist throughout the '80's and '90's. The website Hollywoodite might be the linchpin in getting this long awaited family connection to happen, as they had the good sense to do some digging and compare photographs of the two.

This not only gives Khloe a father figure in her life after the devastating loss and lifelong grieving over Robert. It gives Khloe a new family member to love amid the divorces and struggle with conceiving her own child.

I am not sure if this brings hope for Khloe's disposition improving or not, along with her cynical attitude, but this will certainly improve her self-esteem. Kris Jenner's keeping Khloe away from her father, even after the death of her "step-in" dad Robert, is unfathomable. K.O. does not seem to mind though, as she is all smiles in this unconventional family portrait despite the shame the characterless Jenner has brought on her family.

Friday, February 3, 2012

"Gaga makes us gag."

Lady Gaga's restaurant venture failed to impress food critics in New York this past Wednesday. The eatery, christened after Gaga's late aunt Joanne Trattoria, was found to be a slap-dash, over-hyped failure.
How is that even possible? Lady seems to know her way around food, claiming to prepare delectable home cooked meals for her closest friends on her vacations from Gaga Land. If her get-up for the 2012 Video Music Awards is any indication, this carnivorous caterer knows her stuff in the culinary department.

2010 VMAs
Or does she? Top restaurant food critic Steven Cuozzo of the NY Times wrote that Gaga's establishment was "running mainly on acrid-smelling burnt vinegar wafting intermittently through the raucous dining room." Quite the mouth full. Critics were unforgiving, throwing even the waiters under the bus, branding them as being ill-prepared and a waste of space. Despite the restaurant only having Gaga on board as a silent partner, with her parents doing the day to day grind, she is the only one being grilled for this. For the first time it requires a little more effort than just slapping your name on your endorsements and calling it a day, huh Gaga? Guests were made to wait over 50 minutes for their "fatty" food and Gaga did not even play lounge singer for her impatient supporters on opening night.

On second thought, that may have made digestion harder with her penchant for wearing mad cow disease-ridden pounds of flesh and dousing herself with gallons of blood. Maybe she should have just thrown her own self onto the grill?

Click for more inside pics.

Beyoncé's Simon's Paula, $500 million deal

Someone needs to tell Simon Cowell to lay off the crack because he has been sniffing around Beyoncé's all week. The multimillionaire talent scout is looking to shell out a cool half a billion dollars to sign the R&B Bey on as a judge for The X Factor's second season. After publicly firing Paula Abdul, that terrible host, Steve Jones, and Nicole Scherzinger, Cowell is out for new, more famous blood. Throughout the years these talent shows have been about poor unsuspecting diamonds in the rough being judged by celebrities who had become "washed-up" as the say. Washed-up is a bit harsh, we'll go for irrelevant here instead. Simon clearly feels that his extremely successful shows, Idol currently running in its eleventh season, deserves a step up in star power. Enter Beyoncé. Just when we thought she could not get anymore famous, she took it upon herself to push out her first born this year, the floral swatch from her crotch known as Blue Ivy. That no doubt launched her into a stratosphere of her own; such interest in a pregnancy has been unmatched since Debbie Rowe's carrying Michael Jackson's two first children.

The controversy surrounding the "three term" pregnancy, where a flat-stomached Beyoncé pranced around in 5 inch heels, definitely helped whip the media into a frenzy and couldn't hurt ratings. Will Cowell snag Knowles? I think he's been on vacation too long and lost touch with his status, and most of all reality. He promised the show's producers last year to bring in 20million viewers per episode, but came up short with just over half of that. He since promised a bloodbath, and certainly delivered upon axing three members of the cast. I do not know if Beyoncé would be the most entertaining personality to watch though. She is so reserved and makes me quite frankly uncomfortable with her over-thinking of each word she utters. This deal would be similar to the several year, multimillion-dollar deal that Celine Dion signed. It would keep Beyoncé chained to the judges seat for at least five years. I would rather see her do a guest spot though, that would certainly provide a mid-season boost and keep her career intact. Keep in mind though, Kelly Rowland was a judge on the original X Factor in the U.K. so that might sway Beyoncé in her decision making.

Who could Simon realistically hire?

Monday, January 30, 2012

Madonna, Give Me All Your Luvin

Undisputed Queen of the Nasties, Madonna, will be releasing her 12th studio album this year. She is on a promotional tour, tapping into popular artists like Nicki Minaj, LMFAO, M.I.A. and Cee Lo Green to spice up her images as an android mascaraing as a human being.

Madonna released the cover art for her newest single Give Me All Your Botox, I mean Luvin', which features the singer in nothing but a sweater with ironed on letters spelling out the song's title. An up and coming YouTuber couldn't have taken better photos, she should be proud she saved so much money.

Madonna's album MDNA, her twelfth since she graced the stage for the first time in the 1980's, will be released on the 26th of March. She plans on debuting a sneak peek of her lastest contribution to a three decade long career on the little known talent show, American Idol this coming Thursday night.

In honor of Madonna's newest album I've decided to highlight a few moving words that can provide motivation for the pop diva, courtesy of the 12 step program of Alcoholics Anonymous.

1. Admit that you are powerless to withstand the allure of fame-whoring
2. Come to believe that there is a power greater than you unable to restore you to sanity
6. You should at all cost, pertaining to making money, accumulate more defects of character
7. Humbly ask your plastic surgeon to remove your lines and wrinkles along with all feeling left in your face
9. Continue to make direct amends with people like Janet Jackson, by calling them tacky, attention seeking nip-slippers

Keep up the good work, Madonna. Still pissing people off and still getting away with it. I have never seen such little talent stretched so painstakingly thin for so long in all my life.

Kim Kardashian, holier than thou

Howard Simmons for New York Daily News, edited by yours truly
Gasp! Kim Kardashian has announced her plans to start a bible study group. As if this woman wasn't exhausting herself enough with her good deeds, she has decided to lead other women on a righteous path. This comes on the heels of the buzz surrounding her mother's I Love My Friends music video from the 1980's where her alleged "baby daddy", Alex Roldan, worked as a hair stylist. In the video, while trying to hold a note, Kris Jenner mentions her going to bible study with her close friends, whom she by the way, loves.

Not to mention Kim's recent plea for the heart of a certain virgin athlete Tim Tebow who has been the news for his religious fanaticism and recent success on the field. Sources are reporting that Kim feels that Tebow could be her ticket to a new image. Tim has politely declined this serial-bride's advances citing her inordinately prurient past and carrier choices.

Something has apparently gotten into Kim, or at least her marketing team, who have decided to play the virtuous family card. Kim's obvious track sheet as being a promiscuous woman who would disrobe for a photoshoot if the price is right is not the issue here. The problem is that she feels that she is beyond reproach. Since she is Kim K. no one should apparently look at her sideways as the hypocrite she is for deciding to suddenly play Mother Theresa, now that her show's season finale is around the corner.

I am sure it will be a growing experience for all involved, including the bible study's founder Kardashian. Yes, Kim will take you through such books as Numbers, detailing the amount of children she could have fed with each designer bag. The book of Job teaching that having one isn't important as long as you have a great surgically enhanced ass. The book of Songs will be a treat for the group as she will relentlessly try to plug her failed dance song of 2011 titled Jam (Turn It Up). Last but not least, let's not forget Chronicles, where she takes us through her life's story of heartache, million dollar mansions and jet-setting.

I am sure they'll learn a lot.

Saturday, January 28, 2012

Girl Power 2012

Mel B was spotted this weekend shopping at none other than Chanel sporting a fabulous new look. The singer dropped a jaw-dropping 20+ lbs since she delivered her baby girl Madison last September. She was soon snapped up by weight loss giant Jenny Craig Australia/New Zealand to be their spokesperson for the coming year. They certainly feel no shame in taking credit for all the hard work this fierce and determined mom put in at the gym.

We're pretty sure though that Mel lost all that weight to be in fighting form for a top secret reunion in the works for 2012. No, she and Eddie aren't getting back together for more secret hotel rendezvous. It's a SPICE GIRLS reunion! It has been kept heavily under wraps for a few months now, with rumors swirling, but kept unanswered. Mel let it slip on the Aussie tv show Sunrise that the girl troupe are back on for upcoming shows this year, including the Queen's Diamond Jubilee Concert in London.

The fact that they were able to resurrect and convince Posh Spice, aka the very enviable Victoria Beckham, to reunite with women whose combined net worth she outshines is unfathomable. Victoria has never been much of a dancer or performer. Plus, she does not need the money, as I am sure Sport Spice definitely might. So, what is tempting this formidable socialite and fashion icon out of musical retirement? She herself has recently had a child, and she made it a point to not be photographed during that "awkward and embarrassing" point in her life. A woman so body-conscious and self aware should certainly think twice about attempting to publicly hold a note and even so much as two-step. They are all expect to wear their signature looks that reflect their personalities and personas from back in the day. If it all wasn't enough already for Posh to consider jumping from the nearest ledge. Scary Spice on the other hand is looking forward to lacing up her platforms and showing the world what an almost 40-year-old dose of girl power looks like.

Thursday, January 26, 2012

House of Rihanna

Our favorite Caribbean train wreck Rihanna is set to become the executive producer of a Project Runway-like series in Britain focused on finding new fashion talent. With a reputation for wearing little more than a bathing suit and nail polish, Rihanna is considered a major force in celebrity fashion, setting such trends as... Well anyway, she has made the raggamuffin look her own, where she blends in with the local crazies seamlessly.

Her latest contribution to fashion are these low heeled shoes with tape measure winding up her legs. Whether it us custom couture or just an art project of her own devising is unclear. With all fairness, Rihanna has become a victim of label-whoredom, donning these Christian LouBoutin tape measure sandals that are just a fashion disaster of any era. However, this is who Britain is putting their trust in to find a ground breaking designer who will change the face of the fashion industry as we know it... oh, and to bring in cheap Rihanna fan based ratings.

These photos were taken in L.A. where Rihanna recently tattooed her knuckles with the words Thug Life in the same way as Tupac famously did in the '90's. It has not been verified if the tattoo is temporary or not, but if this is how Rihanna is treating her own body, I can only imagine what her music career will look like in 5 years. How she associates herself with thuggin' is beyond me, considering she has been in the music industry since her teens and been sheltered and programmed by her label since then. At the end of the show's season, the winning designer will get to design a stage costume for Rihanna. I am sure all their creative input will be closely considered then edited, then modified, and taken over by Rihanna's own costume designers before the tour actually kicks off.

Definitely permanent

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Kardashian: "Are the gays and family shame for sale?"

Kim Kardashian has, out of the goodness of her own heart, decided to donate a whopping $50,000 to the Trevor Project, dedicated to tackling gay suicide.
According to "someone close to her" stated, "It's important to Kim to support The Trevor Project because lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people face extreme levels of hate and discrimination in her generation and she knows that they need safe places like the Trevor Project to turn for him."

Khloe: 5'10", Alex: 6ft
What generation are we talking about here? Here I thought Kimberly was a 31-year-old woman and Trevor was 13. We already know that Kim K.'s team are some of the biggest PR blabber mouths that have ever existed. They stop at nothing to announce every bit of positive, contrived press they can for these "ladies'" brand. Every source that releases a statement has been "close" to the family. Yes, of course none can be closer than Kris Jenner herself who physically popped each and every one of these reality show opportunist out, including Khloe Kardashian-Odom, who we learned yesterday is in fact the result of an affair between Kris and her hairstylist Alex Roldan. The resemblance is undeniable. It was later revealed that Kris plans on  making a huge, bomb-shell revelation about that fact on her show. One of the people close to production has decided to burst Kris' bubble by releasing the pictures and the truth about what Kris is up to before she has the chance to make her millions. Khloe has often said that she felt like the outcast of the family and it is clear why. Her looks, compared to that of her other three adult siblings, are highly suspicious, as she towers over the others and lacks that strong Middle Eastern undercurrent in her features. Whether she has known all along is unclear, especially since she attacked all who dared challenge her father Robert Kardashian's paternity rights.
Kourtney: 5ft 3", Kim: 5ft 2"
Kim's latest attempt to repair her sullied name by making donations that are a fraction of her own wardrobe at home is clearly to curry favor with the gays. Having a gay following is guaranteeing a loyal fan base for years to come, as Kim's following will soon turn 18. They'll lose interest in meaningless t.v. that they will come to realize doesn't pay bills and put you through school. Not every good deed needs to be displayed for all to see. The fact that they are trying to cover up the fact that they are publicizing the news is even more embarrassing.

*Red* our lips, Louboutin!

He may be a king of the fashion world, but Christian Louboutin is turning himself into a court jester these days. The shoe designer is fighting tooth and nail for trademark rights to his red-soled shoes. Dragging his close friend and president of the CFDA, Dian Von Furstenberg into court for moral support and muscle power. His claims to the intellectual property were rendered invalid by Judge Victor Marrero last August, but Louboutin just can not take no for an answer. Now three judges are presiding over his case to determine whether or not to overrule Marrero's verdict.

His bloated ego is out of control and it may be too late to bring him back to earth. Getting exclusive rights to a particular color is so nonsensical that I can't believe his "friends" *enablers* haven't tried to stop him. His shoes are already some of the most expensive on the market; not to mention the hardest to find a matching outfit for. People aren't only paying for the design of shoes, no. The are paying for that flashing red neon sign that says, "My shoe collection is worth more than your car and your husband's." so that they can have a sense of purpose in the world by being better than everyone else.

If these ladies want to pay for their modern day baboon butts, go right ahead. But know one thing: Whether you are wearing rip of Louboutins or real ones, most people won't be able to tell the difference. The ones who can't afford them are probably the people who you want to be envious of you. People who can think of smarter ways to use a small fortune, instead of using them to sprain their ankles and step in gum.

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

I'm every working woman
Bringing new meaning to her hit '90's song I Have Nothing, Whitney Houston has hit rock bottom and faces the ultimate insult to any diva, being penniless. Many divas before her have succumb to the growing expenses of keeping up an extremely exuberant lifestyle without singing a single note or contributing anything at all over a period of over ten years. Despite examples like the Arethas and Chakas before her, Whitney did not see this lesson in life coming. Stuffing her system with "allegedly illegal" substances has undoubtedly messed with her finances and her common sense. Going from being the world's highest paid female entertainer to begging for $100 dollars and shacking up with friends is an all time low for her, the marriage to Bobby Brown included. She is now begging her label for an advance on her coming album's earnings. With a voice that has become shaky at best and getting booed off stage, I doubt the record label will see heads or tails of that money. We can only hope that her latest venture into the film industry will pay off in her upcoming movie Sparkle which she executive-produced.

A secret source told RadarOnline:
"Whitney's fortune is gone. Music industry heavy hitters are supporting her and her label is fronting her cash against her next album, but no one knows when that will be released. She might be homeless if not for people saving her. She is broke as a joke."

P.S. I love the irony of that MasterCard logo in the background. 

Monday, January 23, 2012

Break a leg, Kardashian
She may be one of the biggest con-artists in reality television history, but Kim Kardashian is willing to lay down her life for fashion. She was spotted on her way to the NY restaurant Cipriani's along with friend Jonathan Cheban, whom she staged a falling out with on this season on Kourtney and Kim Take New York. Rocking platform Louboutin pumps, a studded leather trench coat with a Birkin bag close in tow, Kim Kardashian showed us what being rich and unaware of your surroundings looks like.  If it all wasn't ridiculous enough, she chose to shield her delicate eyes from flashing paparazzi cameras with black aviator sunglasses that night.
Sold out Versace for H&M
Her bare legs only put icing on this towering cake of superficiality. If this is her approach to winter in January, it explains her nasally and adolescent way of speaking. This poor girl is constantly congested yet she still makes the sacrifice of stringing words and inveracities together for the relentless viewers of her hit E! shows. She is a trooper and a definite Armenian-American hero, with the bad ass wardrobe to match.

Here's her most recent attempt to fool the public. Weeping over the impending dissolution of her marriage which lasted a mere 72 days. She tried last week to fool the public into thinking she was having marital trouble on her Dubai trip and staged a filming of a conversation with her mother appearing to take place in the shopping capital of the Middle East. Low and behold that scene was really shot in a studio in the States. More on that story here; in the meantime, drink in this poor attempt at an Oscar winning performance.

I wonder if she has a pay-per-tear clause in her contract. We all know she's a charitable money grubber.

Saturday, January 21, 2012

Project Runaway Bride

Heidi Klum and her husband of seven years Seal are calling it quits after 6 years of marriage.
With all of their family trips around town together as one big happy troupe, no one saw this coming.

The gravy train has come to a screeching halt for hubby Seal who cryptically tweeted earlier today "The end." He has gotten to live easy while Klum developed and successfully launched several television shows around the globe and built a fitness brand. Her nack and success in business doesn't seem to have crossed over into her personal life, as this Victoria Secret angel just can't keep a man. The couple has a tradition of renewing their vows every year. It seems more likely that they are trying to rekindle their marriage over and over again by doing that, rather than expressing their undying love. At least we can say they tried to keep it together after one year, but their efforts gave way in the seventh, all of THREE children later.

I can't imagine Seal has enjoyed playing background to his super model wife whose star power continues to balloon beyond that of any model before her.

I'm  sure going to miss seeing a pregnant Heidi Klum in every other season of Project Runway though, but with four rascals already running around, it's probably for the best.

*Update: Seal states he will not remove his wedding ring and asks public to respect their children.