Jennifer marries Casper Smart

In the most public mid-life crisis ever, Jennifer Lopez has married no good heathen, Casper Smart or as he's now known, That Lucky Bastard. J. Lo, like every woman, wants to marry a man on par with herself, and that can only leave one to wonder what class of person Jennifer Lopez takes herself for.

Proving once and for all that her love really doesn't cost a thing, along with her self-respect, J.Lo tied the knot on a yacht in Me-heco without any guests or gifts in sight. Casper's love is a bit more pricy however, as he made out like a villain with a sweet pre-nup setting him up with $1 million/year for the next ten years. Not bad for a back up dancer with a high school diploma.

At first glance, you may think these two have nothing in common, but you couldn't be farther from the truth. CLEARLY, these two like sunbathing, sunglasses and spending Jen's money. Not to mention their love of dancing, both starting out as backup dancers. J.Lo climbing to the top based on talent(?) and Casper sleeping his way to a big payday. Or was it the other way around? Point is, The Friendly Ghost is planning on adopting Jennifer's twins with Marc Anthony, adding another similarity to the list. They're both egotistically pig-headed. Casper certainly lives up to his ghostly namesake as Lopez never detected him swiping her coins before it was too late.

Bobbi Kristelina

Bobbi pulls an Angelina.
Nope, she's not bulimic, but it does relate to her possibly throwing up... at least she should when she realizes what she is doing. Whitney's baby girl has been in an unusual, co-dependent relationship with her pseudo-adopted brother Nick Gordon since her tragic loss just last month.

While incest is the opportune word, we have to remember that this 19-year-old heiress is not related to her new love interest by blood, but maybe they are after all related through grief.
The only explanation I see here is that she has always had a crush on this boy and finally he sees something in her and it rhymes every bit with ka-ching. He certainly holds and shares many fond memories of better days with momma Whitney which are invaluable at this time for little Krissy. Although Nick released a statement today saying their relationship is platonic, he is no doubt working a different angle on home turf. This especially since he found out that he was not mentioned in the will. The only person I feel for in this situation is mother Cissy Houston, who has spawned offspring that have chosen less than desirable paths in life despite all well-intended efforts. If there is a void, they will fill it with something more readily available and potent, no matter how many churches you parade them around in from birth.

Word of advice Bobbi, RUN and hide your money... I might know of a very inconspicuous bank account, fyi. Stay away from the spot light... oh, and never work with Oprah again. That woman has never been more self-righteous ever in life than she was in that interview special.


“We’re just close — just going through her mom’s passing and grieving together.” - Nick Gordon


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Odom: "Now we're up in the D-Leagues..."

Photo: Enstarz.com

Lamar Odom certainly isn't "movin' on up to the east side" in any sense of the word. It is starting to feel more like the D-Leagues in Texas, as the Mavericks have not been able to jell the newly traded basketball player with his new team since coldly being traded late last year.

Odie has gone from Lakers to Mavericks and now he's practically "little league". The poor guy has clearly been affected by that horrible disease known as "the Kardashians". Khlomydia was merciless as it ravaged this man's multi-million dollar career in under two years. His management is however attributing this downgrade to the effect the NBA lock-out, his adjusting to new surroundings and his elderly father's stricken state have had on him. They also added that they hope to see him return in full form shortly.

"I've had some luck lately..."

Downgrading your husband from winning the first gold in years for the U.S. at the FIBA World Championships and contracts with major fitness conglomerates to practically being the janitor is no small feat. We have Khloe's unrelenting reality show filming schedule and immaculate ball crushing genes to thank for it. Credit is also due to his newly found passion for being a make-shift socialite's husband on Cable television. He chose his poison. Though it won't be all bad. The team's owner, Mark Cuban, says according to TMZ "[he] needs to get in great shape and then rejoin the Mavs... D-League is rehab". I am sure his annual $8.9 million salary still stands, if that's any consolation. With any luck that will tide his label-loving wife, Khloe, over for two months or so. How ever will they manage?
This public humiliation and ego-crushing lambasting must be some sort of hazing for their new teammate... or at least payback for willingly parading and sullying his brand all over television.

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Beyoncé's Simon's Paula, $500 million deal

Someone needs to tell Simon Cowell to lay off the crack because he has been sniffing around Beyoncé's all week. The multimillionaire talent scout is looking to shell out a cool half a billion dollars to sign the R&B Bey on as a judge for The X Factor's second season. After publicly firing Paula Abdul, that terrible host, Steve Jones, and Nicole Scherzinger, Cowell is out for new, more famous blood. Throughout the years these talent shows have been about poor unsuspecting diamonds in the rough being judged by celebrities who had become "washed-up" as the say. Washed-up is a bit harsh, we'll go for irrelevant here instead. Simon clearly feels that his extremely successful shows, Idol currently running in its eleventh season, deserves a step up in star power. Enter Beyoncé. Just when we thought she could not get anymore famous, she took it upon herself to push out her first born this year, the floral swatch from her crotch known as Blue Ivy. That no doubt launched her into a stratosphere of her own; such interest in a pregnancy has been unmatched since Debbie Rowe's carrying Michael Jackson's two first children.

The controversy surrounding the "three term" pregnancy, where a flat-stomached Beyoncé pranced around in 5 inch heels, definitely helped whip the media into a frenzy and couldn't hurt ratings. Will Cowell snag Knowles? I think he's been on vacation too long and lost touch with his status, and most of all reality. He promised the show's producers last year to bring in 20million viewers per episode, but came up short with just over half of that. He since promised a bloodbath, and certainly delivered upon axing three members of the cast. I do not know if Beyoncé would be the most entertaining personality to watch though. She is so reserved and makes me quite frankly uncomfortable with her over-thinking of each word she utters. This deal would be similar to the several year, multimillion-dollar deal that Celine Dion signed. It would keep Beyoncé chained to the judges seat for at least five years. I would rather see her do a guest spot though, that would certainly provide a mid-season boost and keep her career intact. Keep in mind though, Kelly Rowland was a judge on the original X Factor in the U.K. so that might sway Beyoncé in her decision making.

Who could Simon realistically hire?

I'm every working woman

DailyMail.co.uk

Bringing new meaning to her hit '90's song I Have Nothing, Whitney Houston has hit rock bottom and faces the ultimate insult to any diva, being penniless. Many divas before her have succumb to the growing expenses of keeping up an extremely exuberant lifestyle without singing a single note or contributing anything at all over a period of over ten years. Despite examples like the Arethas and Chakas before her, Whitney did not see this lesson in life coming. Stuffing her system with "allegedly illegal" substances has undoubtedly messed with her finances and her common sense. Going from being the world's highest paid female entertainer to begging for $100 dollars and shacking up with friends is an all time low for her, the marriage to Bobby Brown included. She is now begging her label for an advance on her coming album's earnings. With a voice that has become shaky at best and getting booed off stage, I doubt the record label will see heads or tails of that money. We can only hope that her latest venture into the film industry will pay off in her upcoming movie Sparkle which she executive-produced.

A secret source told RadarOnline:
"Whitney's fortune is gone. Music industry heavy hitters are supporting her and her label is fronting her cash against her next album, but no one knows when that will be released. She might be homeless if not for people saving her. She is broke as a joke."

P.S. I love the irony of that MasterCard logo in the background.