Friday, March 23, 2012

Kim was absolutely floured

Some woman, who Kim can only describe as "jaallooous" dashed cooking flour all over Kim's shiny extensions and clothing at an event last night. Kardashian, dressed in black from head to toe, was promoting her new fragrance line, True Reflection, when a wild, powder-thrower appeared.

In true Kim Kardashian style, after the encounter she went to the bathroom, wiped it off and kept going as if nothing happened. I can only imagine that the new scent's repugnance drove this poor woman over the edge. Convinced the smell came from none other than the product pusher herself, Ms. Lady understandably took to cooking flour to out K.K.'s fire.

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Jennifer marries Casper Smart

In the most public mid-life crisis ever, Jennifer Lopez has married no good heathen, Casper Smart or as he's now known, That Lucky Bastard. J. Lo, like every woman, wants to marry a man on par with herself, and that can only leave one to wonder what class of person Jennifer Lopez takes herself for.

Proving once and for all that her love really doesn't cost a thing, along with her self-respect, J.Lo tied the knot on a yacht in Me-heco without any guests or gifts in sight. Casper's love is a bit more pricy however, as he made out like a villain with a sweet pre-nup setting him up with $1 million/year for the next ten years. Not bad for a back up dancer with a high school diploma.

At first glance, you may think these two have nothing in common, but you couldn't be farther from the truth. CLEARLY, these two like sunbathing, sunglasses and spending Jen's money. Not to mention their love of dancing, both starting out as backup dancers. J.Lo climbing to the top based on talent(?) and Casper sleeping his way to a big payday. Or was it the other way around? Point is, The Friendly Ghost is planning on adopting Jennifer's twins with Marc Anthony, adding another similarity to the list. They're both egotistically pig-headed. Casper certainly lives up to his ghostly namesake as Lopez never detected him swiping her coins before it was too late.

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Beyoncé 1st, Mom 2nd

Blue Ivy was so last season. You're excited about your gifts at first, but after a while they just get plain boring, especially after you never really carried them in the first place. But I digress, Beyoncé has made the hardest decision any new mother has to make, heading back into the work force. This only ten weeks after giving birth to her first and only child, Notorious B.I.C.
Boo peeked out  from her hide-out last night to attend Michelle Obama's election fund-raiser event in NYC where money was raised well into the millions. She was joined by her lovely mother, who remarkably looked even more stunning than her two daughters.

Without a stitch of post baby weight to be seen, Beyoncé strutted past fans who waited for hours in the cold to see her. Yes, that's the Beyonce we remember; her vacation is officially over. Starting May 24th, Bey Bey will be headlining three consecutive concerts at the new Revel Casino in Atlantic City. The star also makes her live come-back on memorial day weekend, so she has to get in tip top shape and baby Blue just doesn't fit into her busy schedule.
Knowles is planning on taking one final hiatus before getting back on her daily grind though. She has planned an over-the-top yoga-based retreat to Tuscany with gal-pal Gwyneth Paltrow. What those two have in common, the world may never know.

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Sunday, March 18, 2012

Scott leaves Kourtney

Kourtney Kardashian is apparently freaking out over Scott Disick's recent depature from their home to his own bachelor pad. People are insinuating that Scott finds the pressure of being tied down to a pregnant, hormonal girlfriend too much bear. Kourt is devastated at the idea of being a single mom of two. A pal says: “He just can’t change. Scott will never grow up, they are best off apart.”

Who releases this stuff to the press? Kourtney Kardashian is no fool and neither are the rest of us.
Scott is moving out probably as a part of the upcoming season and we suckers are supposed to tune in to see what sparked this whole mess. Their whole family is like an overgrown, overexposed and even more poorly written Days of Our Lives. Besides that, Kourtney set herself up for any shenanigans she gets. What did Beyonce, who is trying for her 2nd, say after all? If you liked it then you shoulda what?


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