Madonna, Give Me All Your Luvin

Undisputed Queen of the Nasties, Madonna, will be releasing her 12th studio album this year. She is on a promotional tour, tapping into popular artists like Nicki Minaj, LMFAO, M.I.A. and Cee Lo Green to spice up her images as an android mascaraing as a human being.

Madonna released the cover art for her newest single Give Me All Your Botox, I mean Luvin', which features the singer in nothing but a sweater with ironed on letters spelling out the song's title. An up and coming YouTuber couldn't have taken better photos, she should be proud she saved so much money.

Madonna's album MDNA, her twelfth since she graced the stage for the first time in the 1980's, will be released on the 26th of March. She plans on debuting a sneak peek of her lastest contribution to a three decade long career on the little known talent show, American Idol this coming Thursday night.

In honor of Madonna's newest album I've decided to highlight a few moving words that can provide motivation for the pop diva, courtesy of the 12 step program of Alcoholics Anonymous.

1. Admit that you are powerless to withstand the allure of fame-whoring
2. Come to believe that there is a power greater than you unable to restore you to sanity
6. You should at all cost, pertaining to making money, accumulate more defects of character
7. Humbly ask your plastic surgeon to remove your lines and wrinkles along with all feeling left in your face
9. Continue to make direct amends with people like Janet Jackson, by calling them tacky, attention seeking nip-slippers

Keep up the good work, Madonna. Still pissing people off and still getting away with it. I have never seen such little talent stretched so painstakingly thin for so long in all my life.

Kim Kardashian, holier than thou

Howard Simmons for New York Daily News, edited by yours truly

Gasp! Kim Kardashian has announced her plans to start a bible study group. As if this woman wasn't exhausting herself enough with her good deeds, she has decided to lead other women on a righteous path. This comes on the heels of the buzz surrounding her mother's I Love My Friends music video from the 1980's where her alleged "baby daddy", Alex Roldan, worked as a hair stylist. In the video, while trying to hold a note, Kris Jenner mentions her going to bible study with her close friends, whom she by the way, loves.

Not to mention Kim's recent plea for the heart of a certain virgin athlete Tim Tebow who has been the news for his religious fanaticism and recent success on the field. Sources are reporting that Kim feels that Tebow could be her ticket to a new image. Tim has politely declined this serial-bride's advances citing her inordinately prurient past and carrier choices.

Something has apparently gotten into Kim, or at least her marketing team, who have decided to play the virtuous family card. Kim's obvious track sheet as being a promiscuous woman who would disrobe for a photoshoot if the price is right is not the issue here. The problem is that she feels that she is beyond reproach. Since she is Kim K. no one should apparently look at her sideways as the hypocrite she is for deciding to suddenly play Mother Theresa, now that her show's season finale is around the corner.

I am sure it will be a growing experience for all involved, including the bible study's founder Kardashian. Yes, Kim will take you through such books as Numbers, detailing the amount of children she could have fed with each designer bag. The book of Job teaching that having one isn't important as long as you have a great surgically enhanced ass. The book of Songs will be a treat for the group as she will relentlessly try to plug her failed dance song of 2011 titled Jam (Turn It Up). Last but not least, let's not forget Chronicles, where she takes us through her life's story of heartache, million dollar mansions and jet-setting.

I am sure they'll learn a lot.

Stupid Video, Nicki Minaj.

Nicki Minaj just released her music video for her possibly self-titled single "Stupid Hoe". It sounded educational enough, so I checked it out. She's done hinting at her massive rear end these days and is flat-out pushing it in our faces.
The design and aesthetic aspects were out-there. Lots of visuals, color and beautiful fashion concepts. The biggest feature of her look were bold and in your face lipsticks with her overwrought and fully fledged eyelashes. Leopard print was running rampant from her body art to her Antonio Berardis.
The lyrics were warmed up from her previous hits. Her sleezy prowling around in a cage reminded us more of Lil' Kim back in the day minus that little shred of self respect.
If she starts licking herself though, it might be time to put this Barb-cat down. I am a fan, but this one was a mistake, Nicki baby. Hype Williams used too many flashes of light to trick us into believing we were watching something interesting and dynamic.
Rating: Her quips were weak, her song was repetitive and I didn't understand how the video related to it, as usual.
Was she the stupid h*e for letting them talk her into this?



We recommend a more nude toned lipstick for Nicki in the future. We've never seen such abuse of dry, pastel lipsticks in our lives